:(

Someone's blog title is "The Lonely Wife Project".

Stopping all stations to Egoville.

I caught the bus with a friend from work the other day, we always chat about how poor we are. It makes for exciting conversation, all the things we can't do and can't buy - you'd think the conversation would go like this:

Elly: How are you?
N: Poor.
Elly: Me too.
*depressed sighs*
End.

Instead, it goes like this..

Elly: What's the plan for the weekend?
N: As much fun as $30 can buy me
Elly: You could probably get some decent entertainment from the valley with that budget
N: What kind of entertainment are we talking about?
Elly: What kind of entertainment are YOU talking about?
*awkward pause*
*laughter*

Anyway, so we're having our usual poor-versation and this woman gets on that we both work with. I've never actually met her. Introductions ensue. And she says to both of us "So, I caught the bus the other day with some people from work and they wanted to TALK to me, and I'm like hey people, the bus is MY time, I see you enough at work!"

*awkward pause*
*laughter*

Inner monologue: Ummm what the fuck? Is this some indiscreet way of saying you don't want to talk to us? I only just met you and this is the first conversation we have? AND HANG ON, the bus is YOUR time? Isn't the bus MY time as well? And her time? And his time? AND EVERYONES TIME? This isn't the Lisa-Maree* express stopping only at Selfish Street.

She shouldn't be given a go card.
She should be given a stop card.

HAHA. Yeah, I'm laughing at my own joke. Cause I do that.

Anyway, needless to say, I am not becoming bus buddies with her. And not just because she doesn't want to talk to me, because I don't want to talk to her!

*folds arms*



*Name has been changed due to I-don't-want-her-to-find-out-and-hate-me-even-though-she's-a-rude-peanut.

I just learned how to dougie.

FRICK YES. Take that Bruno Mars :D

Although, I'm a girl and I'm not sure girls should be substituting normal hot-as-hell dancing (cause face it, most girls shaking their asses on the floor is sexy... it's why every film clip features said scene) for a dance named after a male....

But nevertheless, I NOW KNOW HOW TO DOUGIE.

So, here's a youtube clip on how to dougie.

(Ps. I love how he shows us 2 steps and then says "now, join the 3 steps together, and you've got it! ummmmmmmmmmmm... I can do math AND dougie, I must be pretty awesome).

Communication with Males...

has always been shit for me. Well, actually, that's a lie. I communicate very well with them ("you're being a wanker") but their communication back to me has never been amazing ("so? my car is green" what?).

So the conversation starts with "it's cheap tuesday".

Now that, to me, looks SUSPICIOUSLY like a statement of fact. One that does not require a response. So I nod my head at my phone and close it.

Half an hour later, green car guy (GCG) writes "Not interested then?" and I am CONFUSED. Did I miss a question, was there an offer in there somewhere of some kind? Maybe it said "it's cheap tuesday, so I'll buy you a Bentley at half the cost if you like?" Maybe the message was cut off. Maybe my phone company is conspiring with GCG to limit the amount of pleasures in my life. But let me tell you, Bentley's gotta have something to say about that, SURELY.

And I reply with "Was there an offer in there? I thought you were telling me it was cheap tuesday, and what exactly is cheap on a tuesday?"

GCG: Pizza, movies, everything is cheap on Tuesdays
(is he offering to buy me 20 of both?)
Me: Well I have no money anyway..
GCG: Right. Well, I tried.

DID YOU? Let me tell you, if you wanted to buy me anything at all, there'd be no need for trying, because I am alllllllll about acceptance. And Ps. am I not worth a full priced WEDNESDAY pizza? What's going on here! But it seems like I'm not even worth a cheap TUESDAY pizza, because there was not even an offer there to begin with.

Honestly.
And this guy is trying to date me?

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Hey GCG, how's about you read some tips on how to be a MAN and maybe then we'll talk. And eat pizza. Simultaneously. Maybe even full priced pizza. ON A SATURDAY.

Jerk.

I swear I was born in the wrong era.

Or maybe I just wish that I was born in another. 

Like the ones below. The one's where everybody expresses emotion freely without hesitation or censorship. 

"To my weakness. From Bob. Love Always"

"Just remember Angel. I have a tag on you and you're not for sale. Love always, Jimmy"

"To be viewed from a distance. I might eat you up"

I love Celebrities.

They make me feel better about myself. I read things like:

"Charlie Sheen pretends to need rehab"
"Charlie Sheen wants a "porn family"" (he referenced The Playboy Mansion)
"Jenna Jameson hates Chelsea Handler" (doesn't everyone?)
"Denise Richards: "Go to rehab for the kids" Charlie: "How bout no""
"Snooki's stupidity continues to pay off" (kinda like Paris Hiltons on a day to day basis)

And ok so maybe most of it is about Charlie Sheen and how fucked up he is, but whatevs, it makes me think "thank god my parents didn't name me Charlie Sheen".

I mean, I may get excited about how many socks I have right now (mostly because I live in thongs and I have about as many shoes as I have handbags - 1) but at least I'm not being caught with coke residue up my nose and a positive pregnancy kit in a bathroom stall. RIGHT? You know who else makes me feel better about myself? People who shop at the Logan Hyperdome.

Four letters: GTFO.

I've now dubbed it "Loganlicious" because of a female (I think) who had a can of hairspray tucked into her mile high tresses. Now, there's teasing and then there's TEASING. She was past teasing and straight onto humping-your-leg-type-flirting. Oh, for those who are not Jerseylicious fanatics (probably most of you), I'm referring to the amount of hair volume this woman had, quite like the girls from Jerseylicious, because the bigger the hair, the smaller the ass, or something. Note to self: Buy more hairspray.

Demonstration (please see right)

But more ridiculous than that. I probably shouldn't shop there anymore considering the amount of times I stifled laughter followed closely by a panic attack about how I was sure I was about to be shot dead. Never ending cycle. It went like this:

Elly: (cue Ridiculous Looking Person) HAHAHHAH.. oh god, they're looking.. *pretends to be interested in the shampoo on the shelf*
RLP: (to themselves) I bet you that girl is laughing at me, machette to the face now or in the parking lot? Well, less people in the parking lot and there are cameras in here...
Elly: *staring intently at shampoo bottle, stifling laughter* HAHAHA .... *turns to RLP* It is hilarious they have isothiazolinone in this...  *runs out the door*

So anyway, the point of that was, I bought socks. I wrote "SOX" then and pressed the delete button in disgust. What has this world come to. Next I'll be typing to u lik dis. I've already expressed my opinions on spelling, let's not go there again, it will anger me.

Pretty obsessed with stumbleupon at the moment. Also obsessed with saladas, philadelphia spread and salami. Together. In my mouth. I have these random obsessions with particular food sometimes. I'll eat that one thing and nothing else for like a month. When I was in high school I went through this stage of eating just chicken and drinking milk. Yeah, ok so I'm weird... but my name's not Charlie Sheen. Me: +1

Back to stumbleupon. Hilarious, because I get to view things like this (please see left).